Miss E is 8 Months

I cannot believe another month has gone by... AGAIN! 

She does not stop moving! Not even for a second. Since she started crawling she is just go-go-go! Edie is now, what I would call an expert crawler - she's a speedster and it seems like she wants us to chase her! She spends her days pulling herself up on everything and everyone and enjoys using her bouncer like a walker but refuses her actual walker. She loves taking you by the hand and leading you around to her various toys. Her walk is more of a march... and I love it! Lift those knees, girl!
She's getting better at eating! Her favourite foods are pears, peanut butter and yogurt (definitely my child!) 
As of a few days ago she has started babbling! Dada and yaya are the favourites for now.  She likes to whisper babble and she really enjoys shouting (sorry neighbours!) 

Edith is an amazing and clever girl and she is almost always happy with a huge smile on her face! 
 

Miss E is 7 Months!

Little Miss E is growing way too quickly! This has been a big month for her! She has learned to crawl and has become quite confident with it! She is on the move every moment she gets! Her absolute favourite pastime is to race to Stella's water bowl before I notice and tip it over!
She has recently been able to lift herself up to stand while holding something or someone. Still only rolls left.. but really, who need to roll right anyway? 
She's got two chompers and gets really excited to taste new things, but hasn't mastered the whole eating thing yet. 
Favourite song is still, "The wheels on the bus" and still loves airplane rides and bouncing.
She is a very happy baby and still exploring everything. She is getting so tall, so smart and so strong and we love her so much! 
 

Miss E is 5 months!

Well, where has the time gone! It's hard to believe I have a sweet 5 month old baby! 

Little Miss E is doing so well, she's such a happy girl with huge, bright smiles. She has such a sweet little giggle, but is a hard sell to get her to laugh. She is ALWAYS rolling onto her belly but still can't really manage to roll onto her back. At least she doesn't get too upset about it these days! She wiggles around and is somehow able to get from one end of her crib to the other. She lifts herself up on her knees, but then isn't really sure what to do. We are working on unassisted sitting... progress! She loves standing and watching everything and everyone around her - such a curious girl!  
Miss E loves watching her Mom dance and has become quite the jolly jumper! She has been eating like a champ and has become a side and tummy sleeper.  Can't wait to see what this month brings!

What's Miss E wearing?! Do you love her outfit? I do! Check out  Baby Bee Clothing This awesome Tardis Romper actually grows with her from 3 - 12 months! Don't have to worry about her only wearing it once - she'll get a lot of use out of it!

Miss E is 4 Months!

Somehow, four months have passed since this little bear was born! She is FULL of character and smiles! She has become quite the social butterfly and is curious about absolutely everything she sees! She has been babbling up a storm and really enjoys shrieking like a pterodactyl. She loves that she can roll from her back to her belly but despises actually being on her belly and can't quite do the reverse. 
 

The Scariest Happiest Moments

People always tell you how challenging parenthood is and everyone knows that it's hard, but no one truly knows until they've lived it. 

I'm here to tell you It's so hard, it's the hardest thing in the world!

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My labour was quite long and not exactly what I expected. My contractions lasted a long time before we ended up at the hospital, so I was going on almost no sleep. I had to wait several hours for the anesthesiologist to place and administer the epidural which faded at the most critical time during labour and the hospital staff were not going to give me anymore! That moment. That was the second scariest moment of my life.
When the epidural wore off, I could suddenly feel everything and as all the medical staff, my doula and Stephen were encouragingly screaming,"PUSH!"  the pain was too intense for my brain to even consider pushing. I remember thinking, "If they won't give me medication we might as well go for a c-section or I'll end up dying on this bed" A little extreme, I know, but I honestly felt that I could not handle it.  When the nurse told me they were going to give me a fast acting drug, it was as if she told me I won the lottery, never have to work again and will travel the world forever! 
The drug kicked in fast! Our doula and Stephen got me to practice breathing and pushing a couple times and then I said to them, "Okay, go get them - I can do this!" I knew that I would need to work hard and fast before this medication wore off also.
Several pushes later, at 3:59pm on Monday, March 13th, 2017 our amazing daughter was born. This was the happiest moment of my life.

One hurdle down. A lifetime to go.

The first week was rough. There was a long list of hurdles we had at that point. 
Still no sleep
Trying to heal
No appetite
Weight loss (baby)
Baby not latching
Milk not coming in
Baby thrush
Sore nipples
New mom anxiety X 1000
I quickly spiraled into a ball of anxiety and couldn't cope.  We ended up staying with Miss E's grandparents for awhile so they could help us out. The help and rest was much needed but once I started feeling more confident the stress of going back home and not having help sent me further into the anxiety spiral.  This spiral went deep, deeper than I thought possible.

This was officially the scariest moment in my life. 

It's difficult for me to put into words how I felt. I was scared. I was stressed. Every single thing stressed me out. Every single thing was catastrophic. My world was spinning in a circle of stress and depression. The one thing I wanted most in the world; to be a mom - I was failing. I couldn't escape. It felt like these feelings would never go away and I just wanted them to stop. 

I knew I needed help. I reached out to my amazing doula who suggested a trip to the hospital to get some immediate evaluation and relief. I hate hospitals for various reasons and the thought of going while in the worst possible state of mind was terrifying; and yet the alternative was much more so. 
After hours of waiting, a blood test and an EKG I spoke to a hospital psychiatrist. He was amazing, and gave me a glimmer of hope that I hung onto as I walked out of the hospital with trembling hands and a plan.  He set me up with a prescription and an appointment with a postpartum psychiatrist. 

I have a fear of medication due to a horrible reaction a few years ago. I almost never take medication, not even for something simple, like a headache. When we got back to the grandparents house, I felt hopeful, but my prescription would take about two weeks to be effective. How could I possibly get by two whole weeks when it hadn't even been that long since I had the baby? Anxiety started spiking again. 

My sister, who had driven 2.5 hours to be with me at the hospital, accompanied us back to the grandparents house and conveniently had some situational anxiety medication in her purse. She suggested I take one to take the edge off until my medication started being effective. This too, was terrifying to me but I was desperate for some relief. My irrational fear of medication was convincing me if I took even just one of those pills, I would have another horrible reaction and it might even kill me. This was probably the third scariest moment of my life, but I took the pill.

Best decision ever.

Twenty minutes later, I felt like another person. The person I used to be before I gave birth. It was crazy to think a tiny little pill could make everything better. It was like someone flipped a switch. My eyes began flooding with tears, the happiest tears. I thought I was never going to feel this way ever again. This was the second happiest moment of my life. 

Below are some photos taken the day after our hospital trip, when I, for the first time started feeling like a mom. 


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Nap Time = Cry Time

 

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Miss E has been one of those babies who hasn't really been interested in sleeping anywhere other than in your arms, whether it be at night or during the day. Occasionally you can rock her to sleep and put her down anywhere like a ninja - bassinet, crib, swing, your bed, floor... you name it! She will fool you for a moment, but give her 5 minutes and she will be onto your plan! 

Discovery

One of the most amazing things to watch is Miss E discovering the world around her. Recently we went for a walk and as she woke up from a much needed nap her eyes lit up like she was seeing EVERYTHING suddenly for the first time - it was amazing to watch! This type of discovery is one aspect (of a growing list) of parenthood I am so in love with. Watching Miss E discover cannot be beat, it'a almost as wonderful as watching her sleep :)

Miss E is 1 Month!

Our little bear is 1 month! It's quite astonishing how time somehow seems to stay absolutely still, while other times, days feel like years and then all of a sudden a whole month has flown right by.  How did that happen?

We are sloooowly getting used to Miss E, but it has definitely been a bumpy road! She's already developing quite the personality and I'm loving watching it evolve. 

Daddy Daughter Time

Babies are amazing.

I really could stare at her all day, forever. There are times when I have spent hours sitting, watching, just taking her all in. Babies change so much in such a short period of time that I feel the need to sit and stare. I need to discover all developments and mourn the loss of every newborn trait that grows.
I also love to watch these two begin to fall in love with each other, it's even better when they both are unaware that I'm doing it. Its incredible how the love for your child grows with each and every moment.  

Welcome Miss E

So, I'm a Mom.

Sometimes I still can't quite believe it! We welcomed our amazing little daughter, Edith Rose to the world on March 13th and I couldn't be more in love with her. 

I knew motherhood was going to be difficult, but I wasn't quite prepared with just how incredibly hard it truly is. This new adventure was full of challenges and I really doubted if I was capable for quite sometime.  Only recently have I felt like a true mother, and it's such a beautiful thing!  Each day Edith and I are both learning.  I now know I 'm more than capable and am so happy to continue this awesome adventure with my new little family. 

First of many Edie Galleries below in both colour and black and white. Click to enlarge as usual.